words

Just want to say thank you to all my blogger friends!

SONY DSCI love poetry, writing, photography and really anything to do with words.  And if it were not for discovering “blogging” I would never

have had the absolute joy of reading and discovering so much talent.

There is inspiration when I need it, joy when I am down, courage when I need a lift, lessons to be learnt and

stories that can only benefit my knowledge each day.

So thank you all so very much.

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Shadows of me – continued.

SONY DSCIt is a bit hard to move on from childhood hurts.  So many people tell you, just forget or get over it.  I guess this is all true. If only it was that easy.  I realise that as an adult we choose how to react to these hurtful things in the past but there is a self discovery I have made.

I am not a machine, I have a heart with feelings and emotions that have been scared, “Sticks and stones will break my bones and words WILL hurt me”.  Yes words that have torn me down all my life. Continuous, hurtful, degrading, mean, words that caused my life to spiral into directions that never should have happened.  My ethnicity, my inability to form friendships, just not being able to hold a conversation.  I did not have an opinion because I was never allowed to have one let alone speak unless spoken to.

So as you can see without all the drawn out details of my childhood traumas, I have come out with scars that have consequently effected my teenage years and adulthood.  Relationships were built on guess work. I did not know anything about the opposite sex as it was left blank in my education and home.  So basically I believed what ever was I told.  My first relationship at age eighteen was a violent one.  This experience was one of the most difficult I have ever faced. I was a young woman who thought this was it, my life was beginning finally, it was love, there would be marriage and children.

But there was a darkness within me. I did not want the relationships I saw around me.  The loveless, emotionless, painful marriages that were held together because of children. Why do parents do this, and put their children through so much pain and agony.  You are not making their lives complete by staying married. If anything I learned the worthlessness of marriage.  I mean I understand the concept, but really, its filled with lies and deceit.  Every relationship since, and this is I only realised as I got older, I would cause to break up. I would find fault, and instigate tension.  Mind you, every man I was with loved me and wanted to marry me but there was something that just pushed me into the corners of wanting to be unhappy.  Happiness was never meant for me.  I would push so hard that they would eventually leave and think it just wasn’t working.

 

To be continued.

~ Jean R ~

Surrounded by Fire – Bushfire Crisis

Emergency warning in place. Roads closed again, leave now or stay in doors.
Just when we thought you were sleeping, you awoke like a thief in the night. The wind merely lifted and you awoke in a rage. You finished what you started. This time you took out our source of energy that we depend on. You melted these tall electrical structures like they were jelly and sought after more ammunition along the way to satisfy your hunger.
With a deafening blow the earth shook beneath us and in the distance we see the color of the smoke turn black, thick and swirling like a tornado. My heart jumped. Fear, heartache, anticipation and adrenalin flowed through my body like an electric shock.
The wind changes, its time to get the fighting source out and wet down the grass before you spit out your ember and attack once more.
Surrounded once again.
Fire, you are not my friend nor are you my foe but maybe one day we will can live along side each other in harmony without pain or suffering.

~ Jean R ~

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Choose Love

Love, an emotion
that causes behavior
sometimes beyond
our own imagination.

Maybe acts of kindness,
or tremendous sacrifice,
Whether it is foolishness.
We still choose to love.

People can hurt us,
in the depth of our soul.
Betrayal and deceit
causes trauma.

We are not perfect
mistakes will be made.
Forgiveness is a key.
For to love those
who hurt us
is a choice regardless
to love.

Choose love”

~ Jean R ~