sadness

My Reasons!

” Today it is one of heartache,

to see those who once were strong 

and protective, just slipping away

like ice-cream on a hot day.

Dignity, respect, joy, loneliness,

depression, fear, sorrow, emptiness,

and the feeling of loss. 

Aged and sometimes frail,

yet full of life and stamina,

parents can drain you.

Callous words, forgetfulness,

robs you of memories gone by.

Stay strong they say, ignore the pain,

just put it all aside. 

Words do hurt and cause trauma,

sometimes so deep, that to disappear

is a good option.

But who cares for these souls, 

who once carried us through

life’s hurdles. When life has moved on

and they are left behind?

I was told today that miracles 

do happen.

Forgiveness, compassion & kindness.

Deep in my soul, in the silence of my

reasons to continue this journey.

I pray for peace in their hearts”.

~ Jean R ~ 



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Eyes of Innocence!!

” When i looked into her eyes, there was innocence, white, pure!

My worries, concerns all fell away like autumn leaves.  The overwhelming foreboding disappeared into the fantasy of “story time…”

~ Jean R ~

( I wrote this poem about my beautiful niece, who has a love for stories, by simply making a game out of words, can turn my world around in minutes.. Thank you) 



My Mother!

A woman of strength and courage.
The determination to protect and provide for her family against all odds.

Sickness now her enemy.
Where once was strength is now frailty.
Eyes filled with sadness, holding on to any ounce of dignity she has left.

Life can be cruel where our loved ones are concerned.
But i am honored to have this woman in my life.

If i could change one thing, i would trade places with you in a heart beat

Love you mum!

~ Jean R ~

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Shadows of me! (continued) – Diary excerpts.

Hi everyone, 

I have really had a hard time sharing my story. Although taking parts out of my diary appeared to be a lot easier for me, it still is a struggle. In my mind I can hear people say that I will never be free until I come to terms with my past in telling my story. I am not so sure anymore. Acceptance has never been the issue, moving forward has been hard but I did it.  Is there scars from my past, yes!  But they are only scars.  No longer are they an open wound. 

So please bare with me while I figure this out the best way I can.  I believe there is hope for even the most hurt people if there is love around us. Without love though it is hard to survive. It takes your own self resiliance to survive. I do want to survive and believe this world has much to offer me.

Be back soon I hope.

Gabrielle

( True accounts from my diary.)

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Shadows of me – Diary excerpts 2

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Growing up is hard.

I am not sure why God made me this way.  So different, alone in my head.  There really isn’t anyone to talk to.  I have no friends that I can tell what I am feeling.  I don’t like the darkness and it seems like there is darkness all around me.  Why do they force me to do things I don’t want to do? There is something wrong with me, I know there is.  I see and hear things.

I sense things coming and when bad things are going to happen.  But my family think I am stupid so I can’t tell them these things. I get so scared to sleep because I know he will come and visit me in my dreams.  I saw dragons last night and devils with long tails. They chase me, always so fast that sometimes I cannot breathe. I scream and scream but not one came to save me. God why don’t you take it away from me.  I am not a bad girl.

Please God make them love me, and I promise I will be good.

Teen years.

I love him so much.  No one told me what a kiss would feel like. Strange and beautiful. My heart beat so fast, to the music playing in the background while we danced.  Just 16 years old and my life had changed for ever.  We walked hand in hand and met his friends at his school.  He was so proud of me. But I did not know anything about boys besides he was the most handsome boy on this earth. Blonde, blue eyes and a fantastic kisser.  My new romance was soon to end as it was time to return home from holiday. We promised to write and meet again very soon.

I never heard from him again.  His letters were kept from me. My heart is ripping apart.  I love him and he loves me.

Goodnight God. I am so sad. Please please please take away my pain.  I can’t cry any more. It hurts so much.

 

( Writers note: Garbrielles teen years were filled with much sadness and sorrow.  She never experienced the joyful memories of friends and experiences that she can share or talk about in her adult life. She suffered much depression, anger, sadness, and overwhelming fear or rejection and loneliness. Friendships were very hard for her to make and still are.  Her social life and career suffered tremedously until present day)

There are many entries in her diary about the sadness she suffered and how life was sometimes so difficult for her she wanted to leave this world.  But she doesn’t want to rehash the past as those things are gone now. It is only the secrets she wants out and exposed so she can let go.

( True account of Gabriells life from pages of her diary)

 

Aussie Farmer’s in Drought!

What a heart wrenching time.
Aussie Farmers, men and women who
have worked so hard to provide
for themselves and their country,

Death is eminent for the life stock,
absolute horror at the lack of
food and water.
A cruel end to life and
the farmers livelihood.

Sadness, depression, financial
hardship and lack of
hope sets in for these amazing
farmers who provide what we
sometimes take for granted.
Sitting on our supermarket
shelves is what is left of
their hard work and income.

This is our country, your country.
These are our people, our animals,
our land that is struggling to stay alive.

Please do what you can, pray,
offer food for stock, water is in
desperate need.
Be a friend, offer a helping hand.

Our Aussie farmers need our help
and support.

~ Jean R ~

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